You won't break your promise again, will you?

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Most ppl think i have a wonderful life for a 21 year old labtop tv psp ps2 in my room..but all these does not make me happy..the last time i had a real bday party was when im 4 or 5yrs old tat was the last time i saw a bday cake for me all the way until im 17..at 1st life was great im the 1st child my parents treated me like gold they love me alot i can tell even though i was so young back then..until my bro came to my family..they spend alot of time with him im not jealous jus like any other kid my age would love to have a playmate..but after his few months old they found out he is diff his IQ is lower than normal ppl..so they spend alot of time with him..tat i don mind cos i love him tat time..when i was 7 i had to do somuch more than wat other 7yrs old do..i taken a school bus in all my life..my mum teaches me to take bus home myself..and they don have time for me so i was put in a childcare center beside my school..from then on i i spend most of my time there..when nte comes i go home i ad a long day already..so i jus eat watch tv slp..i don really see my parents more than 3 hrs a day..there was 1s my mum's not at home i was 7 or 8 my papa make me go geylang buy dinner and he wan tat only store cos he says its nicer..for me tat age alone go to geylang buy food i cant find the store he wan so i jus got from another stall..when got home he eat and found out its not from where he wan it he scolded me like hell and wack me a few times..i was only tat young how the fuck i noe..?on my 10th bday all i wan was jus a bowl of oyster mee sua from you tiao da wang at lor 9 last time..my papa drove pass my mama ask him stop so she can jus da bao for me..he refuse and i got a real shit scolding say i very troublesome wat so ever..from then on i never ask anything from them on my bday..my mama will cook mee sua for me in the morning and give me 20 bucks..tats really all i got for my bday for 10 over yrs..actualy i don need and party nice presents..jus hope they can bring me out for dinner even if its chepo 1 i don mind and i wan a small cake..but none of tat happen until now..even till last year i ask for 20 bucks go eat steamboat my papa don wanna give cos he don belive is my fucking birthday..!
From ever since im in pri 1 they never ask wat i learn if i got any new friends or wat i do or eat..nothing the most is ask me do house work and slp..how i long for so many years they could jus ask me anything..even i got bullied in school i tell them..they don even give a shit bout it..when im 10 my papa start to ask me do alot of house work like mopping the whole bloody house on my own..and his temper is really bad..and i mop he will say cos i don wanna do it tats why i anyhow..but i really never i think its very clean he thinks its a sloppy job..i have to mop 3 4 times and no dinner until im done and sometimes even jus a small piece of dirt or hair i get wack cos he thinks i never mop..
when im 13 im no longer in childcare after school i'll jus eat go home slp..same they did not care even a bit if im dead..14 fianlly legal to work got a job in mos burger..tat was my heaven tat time..cos i i don need to stay home and i hate to go home..so i'll jus be there most of my time..until 15 i go mac same i hate to go home so i jus rot there..ever since i work they never buy anything for me clothes all tat nothing..all is my money and so on..even my pocket money sometimes my papa will forget to give and is 4 bucks a day in sec school..its hard for me so i work for my spending..i jus work work work and work..i don see my parents much and im actually running away from them from the house work..and everything my bro does wrong they will scold me say me balme me..cos they think he is diff so its all my fault..and day by day cos they always give in to him give him almost the best of everything my bro got worst he now is jus a stupid useless pig lying at home causing trouble every now and then..but every year he sure have big cakes nice bday party nice presents..this is how unfair..!if i can use my labtop my tv psp ps2 to change for my parents care when im young i really wish i could..now they start to care to concern its too late..they cant turn back time jus to show me how much they care..its really too late..even my neckless my mama buy for my 21st bday cost 1000+ it still cant pay back wat i've lost for the pass 16 years..even if my papa will spon everything for my 21st bday it still cant change the fact how he treated me for the pass 16years..why now i bcame lazy refuse to work slack at home..cos im sick of last time's life i wan back wat i've lost i wan them to care and treat me wat they are suppose to 16years ago till now..i wanna enjoy life at home play games rot jus like any other kids..tatz why i always find reason not to go work stay at home..but i noe this wont work..so when my IR job starts i will really get back into work..i really hope after my 21st bday everyhting will change and be better for me..i had enough for 20years..im really tired..i wish i could turn back time for my parents to realise they've make a mistake tat would forever make me hurt rite deep inside my heart..im sure every1 have thier own stories of very hard times..i jus hope ppl don always think i have the best i have a wonderful life..cos the fact was i did not have and i wanna have it after im 21..i belive i can..watever it is i love my papa mama alot..even how much hurt or things tat really make me angry I LOVE THEM ever since i am born.......

; You promised me the sunrise,
under that tree at 5:25 AM ♥